Mall Hit Man


So I was recently at the mall (which I hardly ever go to), waiting for a friend. Since I don’t get around too easily, I looked for a place to wait. I found a great place to sit with comfy chairs that I could easily get up out of, and settled in for my short wait. There was an older man sitting a distance away in another chair, and a teenager over on the sofa in the seating area. The sun was shining in through the skylight above, and it seemed the perfect spot to be.

Beware when things seem perfect. As SOON as I sat down, the older gentleman says to me, “Pretty comfortable chairs, eh?” So I returned with, “Yes, they are.” Immediately, he got up, and came over to the chair right next to mine. And here is where we enter some sort of creepy alternate reality in which an old gal of 59 is getting HIT ON at the mall by a 79 year old man!

He tells me his age, and asks if I can believe he’s that old. He tells me he looks good for 79, right? He tells me how strong he is. He starts looking at a GNC flyer, and tells me about this product that makes you stronger. He then goes into the GNC nearby and buys the product, and comes back out. He asks me if I’ve ever used it. He told me about his former work, which made him so strong.

He starts asking questions. Now I get out my phone to start playing a game or something to send the message that I’m just waiting, really. Hint, hint. Where am I from? How old am I? He tells me I look 39! What am I doing at the mall? I tell him I’m just waiting for my friend for a short bit, and was really just looking for a place to relax while waiting. Hint, hint. He asks if I’m texting. I tell him I don’t text that much, and I’m just playing a mindless game while I wait. Hint, hint. His conversation was all over the place, and he just kept GOING like the Energizer Bunny on GNC strong man pills!

He tells me his wife is looking for black shorts. I wondered if his wife knew how swiftly he moved in for the kill while she was looking for black shorts. I wondered what she’d think if she came to pick him up while he was still pressing me for information. I wondered if he even HAD a wife. I wondered if he had somehow gotten away from the group from the assisted living apartments or something.

Thankfully, my friend showed up after about 15 minutes, and the guy starts talking to HIM! My friend, not aware of what had been going on, started chatting with him. I got up from my chair and finally had the opportunity to give my friend the eye, sending the message that we should GO. NOW. Telling my friend what happened as we went to the car made it even more bizarre. I don’t even REMEMBER the last time I was hit on, and believe me, I am in NO shape to be considered desirable, even by a 79 year old man who is super strong!


2 responses »

  1. Oh boy, can I relate to this! It was a couple of weeks ago, while I was grocery shopping, that I had a similar experience with a “hit man.” A gentleman, of at least 75, started chatting me up, in the cereal aisle. I guess these older men figure they don’t have time to beat around the bush.

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