So, I got a card in the mail the other day, saying I was included in a class action suit against my mortgage company. Apparently, the suit is being filed because of some flood protection issue that I don’t understand, nor do I think applies to me. But the card said I was included, so I read on, dreaming of finally hitting it big and raking in zillions on which I could retire.
In the fine print, it said that this class action suit would bring me a whopping $9.50. Yes, you read that right, $9.50. Not 9.5 million, or even CLOSE to a zillion. After that disappointment had registered, I decided to read further. In the last bits of the fine print, there was a paragraph entitled Who Will Represent Me? In this paragraph, it said that Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe would be representing me, and would be paid the sum of $1.5 million to do so. Huh.
So, my pea brain began to hum. Each of us poor schmucks who may have been charged more in our mortgages for some type of flood protection that really wasn’t above board will now receive a nice reward of $9.50, while the lawyers will sit back and rake in $1.5 million for “representing” all of us. Even though we’ve never met.
It gets better. I’m sure my mortgage company, after being sued for $1.5 million for the law firm, and $9.50 multiplied by however many of us schmucks return the card to be included in the class action, will then have no alternative but to raise the interest rates and closing costs on their mortgages and refinancing. Again, it comes right back to us poor schmucks. Classy.