Snake at the Spigot

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Since spring has finally arrived, everything has come to life. The flowers are poking up out of the ground, herbs are in, a few veggies in pots, hanging baskets of flowers on the porch, and now, my fairy gardens. All of them are beautiful, but all of them need watering. And watering means wrestling with the garden hose. I know you’ve all been there at some point in your lives. I just want a hose that hooks to the spigot properly, uncoils on demand for dragging around the yard, delivers water when you need it, and not when you don’t, and then recoils easily when you are finished with it. Not asking too much, am I?

Over the years, I’ve tried all sorts of hoses. The good old light red rubber hose of my childhood, with a sturdy brass nozzle. Indestructible and well-behaved. Then came the age of the plastic hose. Lighter, but not as sturdy, and not as easy to tame. The soaker that does all the work for you, until you mow over it because you left it strung across the yard to the flower garden. Then all sorts of “easy-coil” models, that were anything but.

I’ve tried the hose hanger, the hose reel, and just laying it on the ground in front of the spigot. Nothing seems to make it any easier to coil and uncoil that darned hose! Oh, sure, you may get it to uncoil and stretch out in the sun across your yard, but when you try to return it to its nice ringed pile, you are met with the snake at the spigot. It takes on a life of its own. It springs, it sproings, it snaps, and it NEVER again looks like it did when you bought it.

And the nozzles of today are totally worthless. Each one has its weakness…leaks, easily broken, can’t turn on, won’t shut off, doesn’t screw tightly to the hose and constantly drips. They all LOOK so inviting…12 settings, totally adjustable, the last nozzle you’ll ever buy! Yeah, right. The disappointing nozzle only adds to the springing hose monster’s power to undermine your gardening.

Today, after I fought with the serpent, and finally got it all coiled back into a neat little pile, and walked away, I looked over at the hose and saw a section of it had sprung loose from the pile and was laying across the nearby bush. I give up. I’m going back to the good old-fashioned rubber hose and brass nozzle, if I can find one.  

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