It’s been confirmed. I am a BiPOP. That’s Bi-Polar Over-Achiever Procrastinator. I mean no disrespect to anyone who suffers from an actual bipolar disorder, but this seemed the perfect term to describe my affliction. I have two modes lately. I’m either hyper-active (usually at work), or super-sedentary (usually in the evenings and on weekends.) I remember, several years ago, a boss at a new job said, “What are you? An over-achiever?” and I was sort of offended at the time. But I have to admit, in some parts of my life, it is true. And I’ve never wanted to be a procrastinator, because it just doesn’t jive with being an over-achiever, but I have to admit, I’ve fallen into this “just can’t get up off the couch to go to bed” mode on many an evening.
When I am at work, I am doing 19 things at any given time, and am always thinking, thinking, thinking of what’s next. I dart from thing to thing, and find myself reaching this sort of “hum” when I’m at full capacity. I make lists, and take delight in crossing things off of them. It’s like I NEED to feel productive. I hate spinning my wheels and getting nowhere on a task. I like to be efficient and get ‘er done!
And then there’s that couch…beckoning to me every evening. So soft, and warm, and comfy. So safe, and quiet. Cuddling with the pets, some tea, my computer, and the remote. No demands. No lists. No phone calls. No rush. But then I can’t get up. I can’t give up my dent in the sofa to go to bed! I have to talk myself into it, and think about how my bed is even MORE comfy than the couch. Ridiculously lazy! And on weekends, I HAVE to have my “me” time…reading, computing, writing, having coffee or tea. If it’s a busy weekend, I almost feel cheated out of my down time, even though I’ve had fun socializing, or gotten some things done around the house.
Oh, sure, I have my productive moments at home on occasion…cleaning, yard work, or maybe a project now and again. And if I’m getting ready for something special, maybe having a party, I do go into my over-achiever mode at home, getting everything ready for company. But I have noticed less and less of that need to achieve at home in the last couple of years, and more and more need to relax and vegetate. Maybe it’s age. But how can these two extremes be the same person? We BiPOPs are certainly a contradiction. I guess it’s a nice balance, or at least it keeps me from going over the edge either way. I sometimes think that if my co-workers saw me at home, in sloth mode, they would be shocked, and I would be embarrassed. Are there others of you out there who fluff up your couch dents before company comes over?